


FOR EMERGENCY PEST CONTROL, CALL GWAINE.

by psmithery



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Bondage, F/M, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-05-30
Updated: 2011-05-30
Packaged: 2017-10-19 22:06:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/205721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/psmithery/pseuds/psmithery
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arthur and Merlin get blue-balls. Lancelot does not (yet). Gwaine, as always, saves the day.</p>
            </blockquote>





	FOR EMERGENCY PEST CONTROL, CALL GWAINE.

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [lemniciate's](http://lemniciate.livejournal.com/) [Texts From Last Night multifandom fic fest](http://lemniciate.livejournal.com/76769.html).
> 
> Prompt by [cor_leonis_1961](http://cor-leonis-1961.livejournal.com/):  
> (850): _Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?_
> 
> (850): _I'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife_
> 
> Unbeta'd and utterly foolish.

_Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?_

Arthur blinked at his phone. How on earth could Merlin even _do_ that? His hands were tied to the bedposts! He sighed and peeked through the living room door. Gwen was straddling Lance’s lap, one hand in his hair, the other busy doing something between them. Arthur ground his teeth.

 _Still there_ , he typed.

A moment later, his phone buzzed again. _MAKE THEM LEAVE BEFORE MY COCK EXPLODES._

It had seemed like such a good idea to begin with. Though, to be honest, anything seemed like a good idea when it involved arriving home to find your surprisingly slutty best-friend-cum-secret-pseudo-fuckbuddy hard and naked, tied up in your bed. Come to think of it, how had Merlin managed to tie himself up like that in the first place?

 _What am I supposed to do? Throw water on them?_

 _Yes. In the very least._

The problem was that Merlin was rather noisy in bed. Well, no, it was actually kind of awesome, but it did create issues with the secret part of the best-friend-cum-secret-pseudo-fuckbuddy deal. He thought it might seem a little indelicate to announce his newly discovered bisexuality to his second-best friend, his ex-girlfriend and his sister via Merlin’s shameless moans of “oh _fuck_ Arthur, fuck that’s good”.

 _Oh god, they’ve started grinding. I’m not going in there._

 _MAN UP PENDRAGON OR I’LL UNTIE MYSELF AND WANK ON YOUR BED SHEETS._

Arthur’s hand was halfway to his crotch before he realised what he was doing. He forced it down by his side and scowled.

 _Is that even possible? Those ropes looked pretty tightly knotted._

 _Of course it’s possible. I think._

Gwen and Lance had only gotten together a few weeks ago, after shyly smiling at each other over their newspapers at breakfast for the past two years. Of course, as soon as they had gotten together, all that blushing shyness had disappeared, and it seemed they were making up for lost time by going at it like rabbits. Personally, Arthur thought that he and Merlin had gone about it far more effectively. They’d been out at the pub two months previously, getting thoroughly pissed and Arthur, in his beer-addled state, decided that Merlin looked rather sexy, and told him so. Merlin graciously acknowledged this compliment by dragging him away and sucking him off in the loos. Perhaps it was less romantic, but it was certainly efficient.

 _Okay, it might not be possible, but if my cock explodes, I won’t be able to fuck you and you’ll be miserable and unfulfilled for the rest of your life._

 _Oh will I Merlin? I could just buy a dildo instead._

 _FUCK YOU, THAT ISNT HELPING._

Lance, it seemed, had lost every shred of his famous sense of chivalry and was now groping Gwen with the enthusiasm of a horny teenager.

 _I swear to god, if you’re not up here in 2 mins, I’m gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife. And I will make them die._

 _Is that supposed to be a euphemism or have you finally cracked?_

What he really needed was a disturbance. At first, he had considered setting the stove on fire, but that wouldn’t have really helped his own cause much. In any case, they were dry-humping with such determination that he suspected nothing short of an actual invasion would distract them. Then it struck him. He grabbed his phone and began typing furiously.

 _I have the perfect plan. Can you hold out for ten more minutes? Think about Margret Thatcher and Gaius frolicking in a cornfield if you have to._

He sent it and began again.

 _Gwaine, need a favour. G and L are at it in the living room, need to get rid of them. Do a ring-round to all your most obnoxious friends and tell them party at my place, happening now. Beer is in the fridge. If you vomit on my computer again, I will castrate you._

 

END.


End file.
